Tiger's competition...

Today on the light rail, I met the most BRILLIANT panhandler.  Genius, I tell you.  I'm telling you this is EPIC compared to other light rail stories (not to mention yesterdays EPIC FAIL because you dweebs won't post your comment).

I was sitting in a seat next to your typical smelly-wearing-all-the-clothes-he-owns-at-one-time street person, when he says to me:
"Excuse me, do you have a pen or a marker?"

I do have a pen in my purse, which is coincidentally a Student Goverment pen that says "EMPOWER" on it (reference my Facebook status on Tuesday, if you can).  But I notice the man has a piece of a cardboard box with him pressed between him and the window and realize the permanant marker I took from the lab the other day to label eppendorf tubes at home would be a viable alternative for him.

Me: "Will this Sharpie work?"
Genius: "Thank you!"

I start watching him as he writes on the cardboard box.  He starts with the words "HEY ELIN..." and I think to myself, man this is going to be good.  He has kind of sloppy handwriting so it's hard to see the rest, but I make out the words "PICK ME"...then I start texting and begin to ignore him until I see the final product.

On brown cardboard, the sign says:

HEY ELIN! PICK ME:

-NO $$$ FOR HOOKER

-CAN MAKE YOUR BEDROCK

I died laughing. This man knows how to make money, by using pop culture.

Me: "Wow that sign is brilliant!"

Genius: "Jus sumthin I came up wit. Hopefully it works."

Me: "Do you want this granola bar? I feel like I should give you something. You can keep the marker.."

Genius: "Thanks!"

I gave him my granola bar because although I did have cash, it was in the form of $20 bills and my mom would be mad if I gave this man a twenty for making me laugh.

There's a long pause where I notice he forgot the "S" at the end of "hookers".

Me: "You forgot the S.."

Genius: "No. Did it on purpose."

I'm confused, obviously.

Genius: "I have to get off now."

Me: "Good luck!"

I truly believe this man made the funniest sign I've ever seen...and the fact he knew today was Tiger's press conference was awesome.  Too bad he didn't talk much, I wanted some more laughs today.

Moral of the story: If you see this sign today in Houston, give him some money.