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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

Today on the light rail, I was told I was going to hell.

I hate cold weather.  Hate it.  Maybe I'd like it better if I actually owned cold weather clothes, but I feel like wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, a fleece, and a coat is just fine for 35 degree weather.  Apparently that was no match for the wind this morning, so naturally I couldn't WAIT to sit down on the light rail away from the doors to prevent myself from feeling the draft at each stop.

Yesssss there's a row all to myself.

After a few stops, a man sat down next to me.  My new Palm came in the mail yesterday, so I didn't feel obligated to talk to this man since I could catch up on tweets about people's love obsession with Amanda Bynes.  But don't think I got away without hearing from this man...

Prophet: "Excuse me ma'am.  I hate to be a bother but I see you have nail polish on your fingers.."
I am so confused...of course I got a french manicure before my interview the other day...why does he care?"
Me: "Yes sir, I got a manicure the other day..."
Prophet: "That's the devil's work right der"
Me: "huh?"
Prophet: "Jesus wants you to be just the way you are, all naturAL" (emphasis on the AL)
Me: "ok."
Prophet: "Do you believe in Jesus Christ our Savior?"
Me: "Yes, of course I do. But I also believe it's OK to want to feel pretty by being a bit superficial."
Prophet: "No. It's not ok.  It's people like you that are corrupting our children.  You need to come to my church because you is not completely saved!!!"
Me: "I'm Catholic."
Prophet: "Catholics aren't saved.  You're going to Hell."

I'm done arguing with this man at this point.  First he disses my nails, then he attacks my desire to look good and now he's telling me that all Catholics are going to hell.  This is more intense than the debate I had with CK about Catholicism.

Prophet: "You need a man like me in your life to show you the way. blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah"

I stopped caring and luckily he got off at the stop that heads to the soup kitchen.  Seriously...I need a MAN to show me the way?  Was that whole conversation a pick-up line?  Boys...don't ever use that one.

Moral of the story: Is the Pope going to hell too??????? 

*title of post=book by Tucker Max. It's an awful awful book, but has some funny parts.*

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