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Thursday, January 21, 2010

Trust me, I'm a psychic

Today on the light rail, I had my palm read.

This is my palm as it looked this morning on the light rail (just in case you happen to be a palm reader yourself):

My left hand

I asked the man reading my palm (after the fact) if I could take a picture of him for a human interest piece I was doing for a class.  He said he "can't have his face all out in public or his baby mama will kill him".  So this is the closest picture I could find:

"That's Charles Barkley" (Spacejam, anyone?)

So here's how it went down:
CB look alike sits down next to me. I'm frantically playing with my ring...yes those of you who know me know this nervous habit of mine..I take it off, then put it back on..sometimes switching from finger to finger.
CB: "I can read yo palm to make you less nervous."
I smile but just turn my attention out the window.  I had a physics teacher one time that read my palm and told me I was going to make a good dentist some day...that hasn't come true yet.
CB: "Here let me see your hand.." He grabs for my hand.  I reluctantly give him my left palm because I remember there are 1000000000 hand sanitizer stations at Methodist so I'll be OK.
CB: "Oooh girl this is your love palm"
Me: "excuse me?"
CB: "this right here is your love be showin me you's in love wit somebody..who dat be?"
Me: "You're the tell me..."
CB: "Well I see him as a tall, handsome white dude with alotta money.'
Me: "Go on..."
CB: "I get this vibe that commitment scares you and you's one of those girls who wants to be independent."
Hmmm..I'll give him half credit..
CB: "Your hands be soft that mean you a sweet girl.  Ooohh this line shows you're into black dudes."
What is going on........
CB: "This right here shows you're interested in strangers. Hey, I'm a stranger"
Jeez...why am I in the inside seat?  I want out...
CB: "What's your boyfriend's name?"
I ignore the man because now I feel uncomfortable.
CB: "Oh I see how it don't talk to me now that I know too much bout you...I get ya...but if you don't talk to me, I won't tell you this most important part..."
This man is trying to trick me into talking to him...but I am curious...even though he's full of it.
Me: "Sorry, I'm just tired."
CB: "She speaks! Well I'll let you in on da secret to your life.  You gonna be real successful and don't need no man to do it.  But you is gonna get married and make beautiful children of God.  I seen it all on your palm. Now give me your right hand."
Me: "I'm fine.."
CB: "Well this is my stop anyways..why don't you gimme your card and I'll give you a free reading of your right palm too."
Me: "Sorry I don't have business cards."
I lied...I do have the 7 Course Date cards Brian mailed me..but I keep these to myself until Brian tells me otherwise.
CB: "Well then why not just your number."
Me: changing the subject "Can I take a picture of you for a human interest piece I'm writing for class?"
CB: "Hell naw...I can't have this face all out in public or my baby mama will kill me..."

At this point, I'm able to ignore him because of the people coming in and out of the train..I turn to stare out the window.  I'm not sure exactly what he said as he left the rail, but he was mumbling something about me, I'm sure.

Good thing he didn't charge me for that awful read.

Moral of the story: Don't let strangers read your palm unless you have hand sanitizer on you.

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