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Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Today on the light rail, we had a first-timer.

Pause.  The people that typically ride the light rail can be broken into a number of groups, much like a high school cafeteria.  You have your street people, who all exit at Herman Hospital.  Then there are the students, some HCC, some Rice, but mostly dental and med students.  They spend most of their time with their noses in books or reading flashcards...that last 10 minutes of studying will make them good doctors, believe me.  Of course you have your medical professionals, typically more nurses and techs than doctors since doctors can afford the ridiculous parking in the med center.  Believe me, I wish there were more doctors on the light rail..nothin like starting your morning off with some good eye candy....except not all doctors can look this good.  Then you have other random med center employees, the ones that you can't tell what they do but you know which stop they exit the rail.  Of course you also have the sick people (I use this as a general term for any of the med center's more fun that way) who ride the light rail every now and then but typically know where they are headed.  And then the Reliant employees.  They're not very interesting. 
And then there's me.  I'm in a category of my own because although the light rail takes me to and from work, I choose to ride it for amusement.  Go.

And then you have the n00bs.  For those of you (ie. my mother) who don't know gamer terminology, a n00b is exactly how it sounds...somebody that doesn't know what the heck they are doing.  These are the signs of a first-timer:
  • Carry lots of stuff onto the light rail but appear to have taken a shower (so you know it's not a homeless person transporting baggage)
  • Keep their millions of bags and accessories close to them when they sit down (because they're afraid of the people on the IS public transportation)
  • Have a map in their hand with their destination circled....the light rail goes down one street with consecutive stops and it's not even underground...WHY do you need a map?
  • Constantly looking around outside the windows and are in awe when the doors open on both sides of the rail, depending on the stop.
  • Sit as far away from the person next to them...either pressed up against the window or their butt cheeks are hanging off the seat in the case dracula decides to bite them, I guess.
  • If they're standing, they hold on to the poles with bare hands.  EVERYBODY knows you're supposed to stick your hand in your sleeve and then hold the pole so you don't contract an STD or something.
Moving along, today this woman fit the bill, except she actually asked me a question.
Lost lady: "When is the Dryden-TMC stop?"
Man next to me: "About 2 exits"
......exits? really, guy?
Me: "It's the third stop from this one."
I was afraid the man had confused the poor lady.  She was already wearing her glasses at the end of her nose and had bright red lipstick on her teeth, the last thing I wanted to do was confuse her even more.
Man next to me: "ha why'd I say exits..I donknowwhaI'mtalkinbout"
Lost lady: "oh ok thanks I don't understand this map..will they announce the stop?"
uhh they've announced every stop so far, so yes.  I politely nod.
She started rambling on to the man next to me telling me about her adventures trying to make it to the med center.  I stopped listening because it was obvious she was nervous that she was riding public transportation and trying to find a way to calm herself.

Moral of the story: Houston may be the fattest city in America, but at least our fat people help the lost people unlike NYC.

Happy Birthday to one of my loyal readers, Emily. May today bring you tons of laughter!

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