I learned to share from Ms. Lacey

Today on the light rail, I fed the hungry.

I also learned something about myself.  Not only do I talk to complete strangers on a daily basis, but I'm way too approachable.

I've always been the person who will talk to a complete stranger in certain situations.  Usually the conversation is started by showing a person a picture of my alter ego.  Lately, the conversation starts with "I blog about public transportation, wanna see?"  This is much better than Curtis' co-worker who uses the line "I have herpes, what do you have?" to pick up girls (true story).  Or last night on the walk home from the grocery store a street man says "SAY! SAY! BABY GIRL! HOOK 'EM!" because I was wearing my favorite zip up hoodie (thanks, Alex.).

But the easiest way to make a new friend is through food.  And unfortunately today, I looked very approachable and had brownies on hand.  I told my boss I'd make his snack for journal club today, so I made 2 batches of brownies last night.  I left the light rail with only 1 batch in hand, it seemed.

I was not wearing sunglasses this morning, so I guess that's a clear indication it's OK to talk to me.

Hungry Man: "Those brownies sure look good. How much you sellin them for?"
Me: "Oh they're not for sale.  They're for my boss."

long pause

Hungry man to hungry man's friend: "Look at her, hoggin all those brownies when we ain't eaten since last night and they delicious."
Yep...that hit a nerve....
Me: "Would you like one?  I can spare a few..I made extras..."
Hungry Man & Friend: "YAH!"

Like savage beasts, they each grab a brownie.  Hungry Man thought it was perfectly acceptable to tell his friends.

----side note for John G-IdontrememberhowtospellyourlastnameIjustknowthereisaZinit: One of the men was wearing this hat AND I knew the Bruins are a hockey team.....any consolation??---

So the Hungry Man, his friend, Bruins guy, and a lady eat half of the brownies for Journal Club this morning before I even get to work.  Great.

Moral of the story: If you give a hungry man a brownie, he'll want to invite his friends over and they will eat the whole batch.

The confessional is closed

Today on the light rail, a homeless man wanted to "holler" at me.

Yes, again.  Those who follow me on twitter or are my Facebook friend may have seen something similar awhile back.  But this was a little bit more humorous.

The morning started off on the wrong foot because I woke up at 8:25 am.  I usually leave my apartment to head to the light rail by 8:35 so you know the predicament I was in.  Nonetheless, I headed to the light rail right before 9 and figured it would be a slow day on the train since I would be on the later one.

It was slow.  But there was no stopping homeboy...we'll call him "Blu"  without the E.  This man had to be my Dad's age, if not older.  He had a beard "as white as snow".  I sat down in an empty seat while he was sprawled out across the row across the aisle...probably passed out from drinking straight whiskey or whatever it is homeless people waste their money on.

Well, I THOUGHT he was passed out....you know how drunk people sometimes look like their sleeping, but they're really just drunk?

My phone is in my hand as usual.  I'm laughing at this tweet, when Blu asks, "You got sum kinna handheld computer over there?  Thas what dem phones lukin like these here days."

I nod because I get creeped out by old street people...that and I didn't have coffee this morning.

Blu, "Can I has yours phone number?"
Me, "Uhhhh no."
Blu, "I don't want to see ya..I jus wanna have some 1 to talk to."

I'm a bear in the mornings when I don't have coffee.  In fact, I'm really rude and hate the world in the mornings.

Me: "Go talk to a priest."
Blu: "welll I'll be..you're a rude one..I jus wanted your phone number."

I seriously should've closed out the conversation with what I've been waiting to tell a homeless person asking for my number: "Will you be calling me on your stolen hamburger of the not phone type?"

But instead, I moved to avoid this man and anybody else that felt like talking to me today.

Moral of the story: At least the homeless man didn't poop on me.

And to think I almost drove to work...

Today on the way to the light rail, a bird crapped on my shoulder.

I almost don't want to tell you the rest of the story because I can't seem to think any other way it would be a more ridiculous start to the morning. Supposedly a bird pooping on your shoulder is "good luck". I'll let you know how that pans out today...and yes, Adam, this is the 2nd time in a year this has happened to me.

Today ON the light rail, it was a hodge-podge of ridiculousness to add to the bird taking a load off on me. It was really crowded, so getting on the rail to even find a spot to stand was difficult, so it was no surprise when a lady's shirt became stuck in the door as she squeezed on the train.

Dying Whale: "I'M STUCKKK!!!!!!!!! I'M STUCK!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! MY SHIRRRRTTTT!!!!!!!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Obviously, the driver cannot hear the woman. Nor does he care. So I just continue laughing as the woman screams until the doors open at the next stop.

The next event occurring on the light rail is why I sometimes wish this train was more like a NY subway. Cell phones- they don't work underground. It's ok to text/tweet on the rail…but for the love of all things holy, please don't talk on your cell phone...especially if you're old and loud and are hard of hearing.

Woman: "HELLO?!?!"
(pause)
Woman: "THIS IS SHE, ME.............YEEAHHHH GIRL HOW'S IT GOIN??.......NAW I'M JUST ON THE RAIL....I GOT A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT...........YEAH.......OH NO IT'S JUST FOR MY ALLERGIES......YEAH I'M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOW...............OH I KNOW.....DID YOU HEAR ABOUT PASTOR  ......OOOOOOOO GIRL LET ME TELL YOU.....MMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.......MMMMMHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....."

This goes on for about 2 minutes of the woman nodding. I would've been OK with her cell phone talking if a) she wasn't so loud and b) she wasn't putting make up on while on the phone while sitting next to me, therefore spilling her make-up on my pants.

Woman: "AIGHT GIRL LEMME CALL YOU BACK CUS IMMABOUT TO BE AT THE DOCTOR. ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT..MMMmBYE"

I could've done without hearing about the woman's pastor who is cheating on his wife this morning.

Moral of the story: A bird pooping on your shoulder = you should've forked over the $10 to pay for parking today.

Doodoo doo doo doo Inspector Gadget

Today on the light rail, I met inspector gadget.

Timeout...I google imaged "inspector gadget" and this came up:

What the heck? If you're a giants fan, I'm punching you in the face.

Moving right along...this man had a trenchcoat on.  And he had the same long face as inspector gadget.  The cartoon, not the one starring Matthew Broderick.  First of all, I didn't know people still wore trenchcoats.  It seems like a very "flasher" thing to do.  I may think that because my grandma used to have this light switch cover in her bathroom that typically freaked me out.  It was a "flasher" in a trenchcoat and the light switch was...well, use your imagination.

Either way, this trenchcoat made my new friend look a bit mysterious.  The best part was he had the awesome hat on too.  I was hoping he'd pop out with springy legs to go save the world.  Or maybe, just maybe, he had a watch that played his own theme song. 

I didn't talk to him...mainly because I can't find my voice.  I lost it sometime in the middle of the night.  So I sat there with my new sunglasses on staring at him, because I could.  Oh and btw, I reunited with my tranny friends from last week on the rail.  Today they were wearing clothes from Hollister. 

Moral of the story: Don't wear trenchcoats unless you are inspector gadget...or I guess if you're hot like the Manning brothers. (sorry Jets fans)

Just call me Cupid...

Today on the light rail, I helped somebody.  I am a good person.  That and it just means I should believe my horoscope since it told me today I would help somebody, but I should watch to satisfy my own needs.

Check it. Here's how it went down.  As usual, I'm texty mctextface in the morning on my phone..maybe not texting but tweeting.  It was quiet today...I mean REALLY quiet.  Half of the people sitting were asleep.  I contemplated falling asleep until a young man sitting across the aisle said "Excuse me..."
I looked up....
Sad sap: "Can I ask you a question?"
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that question, I'd afford parking and not have to take the rail.....
Me: "Sure..."
Sad sap: "Well you seem like a pretty respectable girl and I need some advice"
Soo wearing a UT shirt makes you respectable, obviously.
Me: "ok...not sure how much help I'll be..."
Sad sap: "You see there's this girl and I'm pretty sure she wants me but I aint one of dos dudes that just in it for the booty, ya get me?  How do I show the girl I'm suave and a gentleman?"
I'm probably the LAST person on earth you ask Love advice from.....
Me: "Well...you could always bring her flowers...or do what you normally do to girls..."
Sad sap: "I dunno..she's a trip and may not like the flowers and this one is fiesty."
What does this guy want me to say??? I don't know how to pick up people..I'll talk to anybody, obvi.
Me: "ummmmm..maybe if you just take her on a date and act like a real gentlemen she'll see who you are..."
I mean, that would work for me...but I also don't like assholes like this chick seeems to..
Sad sap: "I guess I could try that. You're right...I think that'll work.  I'll take her to dinner instead of the club!"
Did he REALLY just say that with that much enthusiasm????
Me: "Good luck."
Sad sap: "Yeah I usually go to the club with girls but maybe I could try something new like a dinner date! I'll take her somewhere nice like Olive Garden or somethin..."
I have a blank stare on my face at this point.
Me: "I'm sure it'll work out fine..goodbye."

I get off the rail in complete confusion.  Do people really think going to the club is a date?  what.the.heck.

Moral of the Story:
Whereas The urbandictionary.com definition of "Date": Two people getting together for an activity when the possibility of romance between them has been broached but not ruled out. Since the exploration of romance is the purpose of a date, merely asking someone out on a date is sufficient to broach the subject. Dates may or not continue once a couple have entered into a romantic relationship; and

Whereas The word "date" may be used to identify a get together between two people not romantically involved, but this usage is meant to convey irony, since such a meeting is not a date in the true sense of the word; and

Whereas It's perfectly acceptable for a girl to ask a boy out on a date; and

Whereas Dating advice comes best from Dr. Loving and not K So.

Therefore Be it Resolved You cannot take a girl just to a club on a date.


 

Trust me, I'm a psychic

Today on the light rail, I had my palm read.

This is my palm as it looked this morning on the light rail (just in case you happen to be a palm reader yourself):

My left hand

I asked the man reading my palm (after the fact) if I could take a picture of him for a human interest piece I was doing for a class.  He said he "can't have his face all out in public or his baby mama will kill him".  So this is the closest picture I could find:

"That's Charles Barkley" (Spacejam, anyone?)

So here's how it went down:

CB look alike sits down next to me. I'm frantically playing with my ring...yes those of you who know me know this nervous habit of mine..I take it off, then put it back on..sometimes switching from finger to finger.

CB: "I can read yo palm to make you less nervous."

I smile but just turn my attention out the window.  I had a physics teacher one time that read my palm and told me I was going to make a good dentist some day...that hasn't come true yet.

CB: "Here let me see your hand.." He grabs for my hand.  I reluctantly give him my left palm because I remember there are 1000000000 hand sanitizer stations at Methodist so I'll be OK.

CB: "Oooh girl this is your love palm"

Me: "excuse me?"

CB: "this right here is your love line..it be showin me you's in love wit somebody..who dat be?"

Me: "You're the psychic..you tell me..."

CB: "Well I see him as a tall, handsome white dude with alotta money.'

wrong.

Me: "Go on..."

CB: "I get this vibe that commitment scares you and you's one of those girls who wants to be independent."

Hmmm..I'll give him half credit..

CB: "Your hands be soft that mean you a sweet girl.  Ooohh this line shows you're into black dudes."

What is going on........

CB: "This right here shows you're interested in strangers. Hey, I'm a stranger"

Jeez...why am I in the inside seat?  I want out...

CB: "What's your boyfriend's name?"

I ignore the man because now I feel uncomfortable.

CB: "Oh I see how it be..you don't talk to me now that I know too much bout you...I get ya...but if you don't talk to me, I won't tell you this most important part..."

This man is trying to trick me into talking to him...but I am curious...even though he's full of it.

Me: "Sorry, I'm just tired."

CB: "She speaks! Well I'll let you in on da secret to your life.  You gonna be real successful and don't need no man to do it.  But you is gonna get married and make beautiful children of God.  I seen it all on your palm. Now give me your right hand."

Me: "I'm fine.."

CB: "Well this is my stop anyways..why don't you gimme your card and I'll give you a free reading of your right palm too."

Me: "Sorry I don't have business cards."

I lied...I do have the 7 Course Date cards Brian mailed me..but I keep these to myself until Brian tells me otherwise.

CB: "Well then why not just your number."

Me: changing the subject "Can I take a picture of you for a human interest piece I'm writing for class?"

CB: "Hell naw...I can't have this face all out in public or my baby mama will kill me..."

At this point, I'm able to ignore him because of the people coming in and out of the train..I turn to stare out the window.  I'm not sure exactly what he said as he left the rail, but he was mumbling something about me, I'm sure.

Good thing he didn't charge me for that awful read.

Moral of the story: Don't let strangers read your palm unless you have hand sanitizer on you.

n00bs

Today on the light rail, we had a first-timer.

Pause.  The people that typically ride the light rail can be broken into a number of groups, much like a high school cafeteria.  You have your street people, who all exit at Herman Hospital.  Then there are the students, some HCC, some Rice, but mostly dental and med students.  They spend most of their time with their noses in books or reading flashcards...that last 10 minutes of studying will make them good doctors, believe me.  Of course you have your medical professionals, typically more nurses and techs than doctors since doctors can afford the ridiculous parking in the med center.  Believe me, I wish there were more doctors on the light rail..nothin like starting your morning off with some good eye candy....except not all doctors can look this good.  Then you have other random med center employees, the ones that you can't tell what they do but you know which stop they exit the rail.  Of course you also have the sick people (I use this as a general term for any of the med center patients..it's more fun that way) who ride the light rail every now and then but typically know where they are headed.  And then the Reliant employees.  They're not very interesting. 
And then there's me.  I'm in a category of my own because although the light rail takes me to and from work, I choose to ride it for amusement.  Go.

And then you have the n00bs.  For those of you (ie. my mother) who don't know gamer terminology, a n00b is exactly how it sounds...somebody that doesn't know what the heck they are doing.  These are the signs of a first-timer:

• Carry lots of stuff onto the light rail but appear to have taken a shower (so you know it's not a homeless person transporting baggage)
• Keep their millions of bags and accessories close to them when they sit down (because they're afraid of the people on the rail..it IS public transportation)
• Have a map in their hand with their destination circled....the light rail goes down one street with consecutive stops and it's not even underground...WHY do you need a map?
• Constantly looking around outside the windows and are in awe when the doors open on both sides of the rail, depending on the stop.
• Sit as far away from the person next to them...either pressed up against the window or their butt cheeks are hanging off the seat in the aisle...in case dracula decides to bite them, I guess.
• If they're standing, they hold on to the poles with bare hands.  EVERYBODY knows you're supposed to stick your hand in your sleeve and then hold the pole so you don't contract an STD or something.

Moving along, today this woman fit the bill, except she actually asked me a question.
Lost lady: "When is the Dryden-TMC stop?"
Man next to me: "About 2 exits"
......exits? really, guy?
Me: "It's the third stop from this one."
I was afraid the man had confused the poor lady.  She was already wearing her glasses at the end of her nose and had bright red lipstick on her teeth, the last thing I wanted to do was confuse her even more.
Man next to me: "ha why'd I say exits..I donknowwhaI'mtalkinbout"
Lost lady: "oh ok thanks I don't understand this map..will they announce the stop?"
uhh they've announced every stop so far, so yes.  I politely nod.
She started rambling on to the man next to me telling me about her adventures trying to make it to the med center.  I stopped listening because it was obvious she was nervous that she was riding public transportation and trying to find a way to calm herself.

Moral of the story: Houston may be the fattest city in America, but at least our fat people help the lost people unlike NYC.


Happy Birthday to one of my loyal readers, Emily. May today bring you tons of laughter!

Tranny Spotting

Today on the light rail, I met a tranny with a beard.

TECHNICALLY it was just stubble...but it sounds cooler if you say you met a tranny with a beard. This isn't my first rodeo in terms of trannys in this area of Houston. But this IS the first time I've seen really noticeable facial hair on a shim.

TIMEOUT--I broke my sunglasses this weekend somehow. I wear sunglasses on the light rail every day so it doesn't look as noticeable when I'm gawking at people. You know how kids always stare at things that are different? I never grew out of that.--TIME IN (zach morris, anyone?)

So since I am without sunglasses, it's hard to stare at the shemale, but I can't help not staring. So I stare. Sure enough we make eye contact.
Hot mess: "I like your sweater."

--I feel really out of place today on the light rail because EVERYBODY is wearing dark colors and I'm wearing khakis and a pink cardigan...I stick out like an anorexic kid at fat camp--

me: "Thanks....You have cool hair...." I wanted to compliment her facial hair.
Hot Mess: "yeah girl I just got it did this weekend."

I couldn't stop staring at it so as soon as a seat opened on my favorite area of the train, I grabbed it.
I wanted to avoid anymore of the awkward conversation with the tranny.

Moral of The Story: I need new sunglasses or you'll stop reading this.

Thank you for smoking...not...

Today on the light rail, I missed my stop.

Why did this happen?

Because I was paying attention to the crazy lady asking me for a cig.  To give you a visual, she looked like this:

This woman was ridiculous.  She was wearing a hospital gown.
Crazy Lady: "You got a cigarette?"
I nod my head no.
Crazy Lady: "What's wrong with you young people and not smoking?"
I reply, "I've never had a cigarette before in my life."
Crazy Lady: "Well I've been smoking for 40 years and aint nothin wrong with me."

She goes on to ask another guy for a cigarette and he had one.  She says to him "Thanks, I need to get back to the hospital and just hopped on the rail to bum a cig."

So I see people standing outside Methodist in hospital gowns all the time with IVs hooked up to them and smoking a cigarette.  I always want to punch them in the face.  Today, I couldn't help myself....it was like word vomit in Mean Girls......"Why are you smoking if you're in the hospital?"

Crazy Lady: "I'm in the hospital for my gallbladder not my lungs.  I can smoke whenever I want and don't need no criticism from people like you with all your don't smoke or drink when your pregnant talk..you know I did both and my kids came out just fine...blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah"

Crap..I missed my stop.

Moral of the story: No, I don't have a cigarette.


Have a good weekend...I have Monday off to celebrate MLK's dream so probably won't take the light rail.  But have no fear, Rodeo season is quickly approaching and the stories will only get better...drunk cowboys and cowgirls, what could be better?

Kids say the darndest things...

Today on the light rail, a little girl called out an obese person.


She was the cutest little girl. She was about 4 years old and had her hair in braids and these cute black thick framed glasses on. She was riding the rail to the med center with her parents (I know this because they got off at my stop). She was a very curious girl and kept standing up from her seat, only to annoy her Dad, of course. She looked over the seat at me and I smiled. She giggled and tried to hide...you know the little game of hide and seek you played with the people behind you in church when you were a kid.

Across the row from me was a very large woman. I mean LARGE. I mean, the kind of person that would probably need to pay for two seats on an airplane. It's difficult to judge adults with obesity because sometimes it's a disease that may be the cause. Either way, the little girl kept staring at the woman. The woman raised her large marshmallow hands to wave at the child. The girl had this priceless disgusting look on her face. Her mom was on the phone and she kept tugging on her "Mommy...mommy..mommy!!"
Finally her mom said "WHAT?" (reminded me of my own Mom...don't interrupt her when she's on the phone).
Girl: "Look at that fat lady." and pointed to the woman.
Mom: ", That's rude!"
Girl: "But mommy she's sitting in two seats and there's people that don't have any seat."

My Thoughts? WORD.

The Mom is back on the phone laughing to her friend about what her daughter just said. The girl just keeps staring at the large woman. The woman wobbles off at the next stop...and everybody nearby that heard the loud child busts out laughing. I try to keep my cool and continue my usual morning texting, but can't help but chuckle.
Moral of the story: Kids will say what adults are too afraid to. I wish more of them rode the light rail.

Now, why are you into Vampires again?

Today on the light rail, I stood 10 inches from Count Dracula.

Mind you, I'm not one that's into vampires.  I've seen True Blood a few times but never any of the Twilight movies or read the books.  I did, however, eat this cereal when I was a kid, so I know what I'm talking about here when I say this man was a vampire.

He got onto the light rail and reeked of marijuana.  Bad.  I felt like I was going to smell like I'd been tokin up when I got to work just because of this man.  He was a street man, obviously (learned that term recently since I don't actually know if he's homeless).  He was acting strange...maybe because of the drugs.  He had a very odd shaped jaw and it kind of freaked me out.

And then he opened his mouth...and it looked like this....

He was missing a few of the front teeth...but his incisors were definitely fangs.  He kept looking around everywhere and at one point started to lick his arm.  Yes, he was licking himself.  I was a little creeped out so I moved to the other door.  I didn't want to have blood sucked out of my neck by this guy..not today.

Sure enough he got off at the soup kitchen stop.  Good. Let the soup kitchen volunteers deal with the vamp.

Moral of the story: If you're obsessed with Twilight, you're an idiot.

Not just a short temper...

Today on the light rail, I met the opposite of yesterday-Mr. Type A.

It was a quiet morning on the rail today. The train was full of what I like to call "normals" (aka taxpayers). Normals tend to be boring and mind their own business. I like sitting by normals on mornings like today when I'm too tired to function.

I got onto the lightrail and stepped up to the elevated rows (my seats of choice) and sat down next to what appeared to be a businessman. He resembled my friend Greg. They're both gingers, dress well in terms of work clothes, frantically play with their new droid phone, and this man had a simiar peacoat as my friend. So since I thought I'd feel comfortable around him, I sat down with my coffee mug in my hand.

Ginger: "you're not gonna spill that are you?"
Me: "excuse me?"
Ginger: "Well this is an expensive coat and I'd prefer you not drink coffee by me in a moving vehicle."
Me: "ok"

I put my coffee mug in my lap and closed the lid. I did my usual morning texting/twittering. Sometimes I laugh when I read funny stuff.

Ginger: "Do you think you can sit over there in that empty row?"
Just as he says that, somebody enters the train and sits in said row.
Me: "I'm sorry, but am I bothering you?"
Ginger turns his head back to his Droid. He makes this mocking voice under his breath. I continue to think of how this man is cross between my dad and my friend mentioned above.

Finally, my stop...our stop. I get off the train first but stop to let somebody pass. And then it happened...Mr. Type A-tough-guy-businessman-i-hate-girls-that-drink-coffee walked past me at the height of 5'1".

And I laughed out loud.

Moral of the story: I guess Lee Brown forgot to install the "you must be this tall to ride" signs to the platforms.


-- Post From My iPod Touch

That's not my name...

Today on the light rail, I met prince charming (if Disney based Princess movies on public transportation, that is). 

The rail was crowded today since it is, once again, below freezing in Houston (wish I was still in Cali).  I stepped on the light rail looking for a seat so I could catch up on reading some stuff for work.  No seats.  A man stands up and says "You can have my seat!"
I politely reply "No thanks, I can stand."
man: "C'mon nahhh, I'm offering you a seat, you should take it."
I nod my head No and continue reading my twitter feed on my phone.
man: "Was yo name?"
pause....."Lauren"

Random aside: I always make up names on the light rail. Today I chose Lauren because I happened to read interesting twitter posts from my friend Lauren two seconds before this conversation. If you're reading this, chances are I've used your name before....even if you're a guy...

Man: "Well, Lauren. I'm jus tryin to show you that there are still gentlemen out in this world. Not very many, but I'm one of 'em."
I laugh and notice a seat open up across from him...not thinking of how rude it would be to decline his seat and take another, I sit down.
Man: "Thought you was gunna stand?"
I smile.
Man: "Ya know chivalry ain't dead..you coulda jus sat here and not been all INDEPENDENT (he spits as he says this word with so much emphasis)"
I smile again.
A few stops go by without him talking to me.  I begin to play with my work ID tag (worn attached to my pant pocket)..it's one of those fun cord ones that you can pull in and out.  It's a nervous habit of mine.  It's time for my stop...I stand up with ID in hand (because I'm still playing with it).
Man: "I thought you said your name was Lauren???"
I ignore him, put my sunglasses on and stand by the door hoping it opens soon.
Man: "mannn you lie to me bout sittin down and bout your name...can't get no mo rude den dat."
I think about turning around to say "have a nice day" but instead I'm kind of embarassed and exit the rail.


Moral of the story: Never wear your ID badge on the light rail.

Baby it's cold outside..

Let me start off by saying it is freezing in Houston this morning and Houston should invest in heat lamps at the light rail platforms.


Today on the light rail, I saw people practice making a baby. Obviously, I'm being facetious, but it was the most disgusting public display of affection I've ever seen. There was a couple sitting/standing in front of me. (I had to stand on the light rail today since it was packed). The girlfriend was sitting in a seat and the boyfriend was standing over her/kind of straddling her...every now and then he'd sit down next to her. He was grinding on her as they passionately kissed.

Gross. I wanted to yell "get a room" but didn't want to offend the woman sitting with her child in the stroller so I just continued to stare. Sometimes you can't help but stare at people in this situation- it's like watching bad TV. I mean, I know it's cold outside but you can warm up your baby mama in a less public place.

Then the boyfriend got off the rail to head to the soup kitchen. Girlfriend stayed on and even had some books with her. Interesting combination, I'll say.

Moral of the story: Some people take their own kind of ride on the light rail.

Unfortunately for you, my dear reader, I won’t be riding the light rail until next Monday as I’ll be in Cali watching the Horns dominate whatever Alabama’s mascot is…all I know is their costumed mascot is an elephant. And I know a gross story told by a former Alabama mascot- how he threw up in the head and kept it on the rest of the game. That, my friends, is why Bama sucks. So have a good remainder of the week and a great weekend and prepare for awesome light rail stories next Monday, Jan 11th (with pictures!). Hook ‘Em.

"My album drops soon"...

Happy New Year! Oh how I missed the light rail this long weekend!

Today on the light rail, I met Ludacris. Or at least a man wanting to be ludacris/some other rapper/hip hop artist (whichever is the correct terminology these days). I say Luda because I'm not very educated on "rappers". This man was singing rap songs out loud...he did not have any headphones or anything on...he was just trying to entertain people as we head to work or the soup kitchen. I couldn't recognize his songs, so he may've been "flowing", but I do remember some of his lyrics (WARNING: not suitable for children):

"....Make ya a$$ pop as I blow up in yo face...."

"...You look so yummy Imma eat chu like chocolate cake..."

"...Big ole titties bouncin, big ole booty jigglin outcha pants..."

And that's only the begining...some of the other lyrics I don't feel comfortable typing. Then I caught him humming the tune to "How Low" and under his breath saying "how low can you go". I almost got into the song for a second because coincidentally it's been stuck in my head since Wednesday night.

The moral of the story: It's healthy to drink your morning coffee with explicit lyrics.