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For the love of Sidd

Today on the light rail, I saw Sidd Sinha's twin.

If you don't know Sidd, you probably want to stop reading this because you won't think this is funny.  And you're probably wondering why I don't have a picture of this kid...well I couldn't get a good angle, but he's a picture of Sidd and I swear the guy looks exactly like him:

The guy even had the same goofy drawstring backpack Sidd used to carry around.

 just like the one you wore to swim practice when you were a kid..

I was in shock and wanted to ask him if his name was Sidd, but figured that may have come out a bit of a stereotype..or whatever the other word I'm looking for...so I just didn't talk to him....until I had to ask him to move when I was getting off the light rail.

Moral of the story: Yes I just wrote a blog about seeing somebody that looked like somebody I know.

***Pretty soon www.todayonthelightral.com will be up and ready....well it is TECHNICALLY up, just not ready to start using it just yet..have to make a few changes and all that.  I'll keep you POSTED on the progress (see what I just did there?).***

Light Rail epic FAIL

Today on the light rail, it is super crowded.

SEE what I mean??

Yes I'm blogging from the light rail so excuse the grammar mistakes.

First of all, I waited 10 minutes for the train to come.  You can imagine all the restless people waiting with me.  Then when I'm finally on, the stupid driver is all like "you know dis train aint gunna move till you all clear tha do way".  Then we sit at the stop for 5 minutes when she finally opens the door and a man by me says "f this, I'll go for the next one." and gets off.

That's ok and all, but the next train will be just as full.

Moral of the Story: Not my fault if I infect all these Houstonians with influenza...Metro should have more double car trains.

Bird lady

Today on the light rail, I wanted to sit down.

As soon as I stepped on the light rail this morning, my mission was to find an empty seat.  I'm not feeling well today and the last thing I wanted to do was stand and hold on to a pole with my sickly hands.  There was a seat open next to this woman, but she had her feet propped up and her jar of red seeds sitting in the seat next to her.  Her shoes were off.  Gross. I don't care that she had socks on. Still. Gross.

Now timeout for a second, I know Austin just opened a new metrorail that takes an hour to get from Leander to Downtown, but in Houston the longest amount of time you can possibly be on the lightrail is 30 minutes end to end.  With that being said, is it really necessary for you to pull out your bird seeds and chomp on them with your shoes off, taking up two seats???  I didn't think so.

I was standing up trying to take a picture of this woman but didn't get one until the next stop when a man got on the train and asked the lady to move so he could sit down.  He was clearly annoyed.

wtf kind of seeds are red?? And WHY are they in a teddy bear jar?

Moral of the story: No, it's not OK for you to take up two seats, I don't care if you weigh 500 pounds, it's still not OK.

Sorry I've been on a bit of a break from the LR blog.  Last week was BUSY.  My palm pre just did an update and now I can take videos...so keep your eyes peeled for that.  Oh and I'll be switching to the new design and new website very shortly..

Boots and Boys

Today on the light rail, I encountered some cowboys.

Yeah I thought it was a little early in the morning for the Rodeo, too, but I think they were heading out to reliant to chill with their livestock. You know, maybe weigh their cows or something.

There were open seats available in my favorite area of the train but people were blocking it, so I was stuck standing next to these men, probably in their 50s..maybe younger...I have no concept of age. Of course they were wearing giant belt buckles, tight jeans, boots, and cowboy hats..oh and some jackets that had their team name on it, I suppose. But like I always say, this guy is the only man that looks good in tight jeans. I guess I missed out on that gene every other girl in Texas has..you know the "cowboy butts drive me nuts" gene. I think I'm homozygous dominate for preferring a Northeastern attitude mixed with a Texas soul. (yeah I realize that makes no sense to you, but it makes sense in my head)

Nonetheless, I talked to these fellers...and by talked, I mean I made one comment until I realized I didn't feel like talking to people that don't speak correct English.

Cowboy1: (insert incredibly hick accent here) "I tell you wut...dem bullriders this year be really good."
Cowboy2: "Mmmmmhhhmmmm."
Yes, I invited myself into this conversation.
Me: "I like mutton bustin'. Cracks me up."
Cowboy1: "HAHAHAHA. Thas a gOOd one too. Those there are some tough kids, I tell you what."
I laugh.

The cowboys continue talking about random rodeo stuff. They were probably talking about how much beef they get to eat once they buy all the steer. It was too early in the morning for me to be paying attention.


Moral of the story: Wake up in the mornin feelin like Garth Brooks....



yes, I've been listening to too much Ke$ha this morning.

Metro Lightrail: 0......Metro Bus Driver: 2

Today on the light rail, I was forced to inhale the stench of people at the end of the day.  You know that smell...people have been working in construction or in the hospital all day...it's like a mixture of body odor, sick people, and dirt.

Yes, the lightrail was packed..and I even left work before 5.  I was standing next to a group of people complaining about how crowded the train was today.  Apparently, a train and a bus collided today.

For the second time in a matter of weeks.

At the same exact spot.

What.The.Hell.

And I thought the people riding the train were crazy, I suppose the drivers are just as bad.


^video footage from the first crash in early February^


So naturally, I come home and look up the story on the internet (can be found right here: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/hotstories/6914180.html) and I check out some of the comments below the post., thinking maybe I can make some new friends, you know public transportation loving friends.
My favorite is from ElGuapo1, "And Metro wants to put additional rail lines on our streets? Stop the insanity!".

oh and this one from Multi: "Ah yes, the Tooterville Trolley causes another wreck. I wonder how many had to be taken away in an abulance with the lawyers following close behind!" (no I did not spellcheck these people's posts)
 
Redbiker98 had this to share: "Again? Trains should not share the roadways with cars, period. This is only going to get worse wit the new lines going in."


The comments go on and on and on...people calling the lightrail a "toy train" that apparently "nobody rides".  So here's what imma do.  Imma get on my soapbox real quick ya'll because if Kanye can do it, I can do it.

1. It's the metro bus drivers at fault here, not the lightrail.  I would never ride a Houston city bus...gross.
2. How can you say "nobody" rides the lightrail when every day I take it to and from work and most of the time it is nearly full, ESPECIALLY in the afternoon.
3. People that comment on chron.com are the rich white folks that have the huge houses in river oaks that think the lightrail makes Houston trashy.
4. Sure the lightrail cost a lot of money to build and sure it was seemingly pointless at the time but how else would the drunk young professionals living in midtown get to the rodeo? Do you want drinking and driving accidents too? I didn't think so.
5. Don't dis the lightrail until you ride it, punks.

Moral of the story: I will now leave you with my favorite quote from user Lastplace: "Eyewitness said bus driver was seen eating a big bowl of dumba$$ right before the crash."

Oh how I love Houstonians.

It's March. And it's Texas. Duh.

Today on the lightrail..........dammit not ANOTHER post about the weather!

I'll spare you the conversation I had today about the weather.  The brief story:
Man complains about Texas weather.
Katie giggles.
Man says he'll be shedding his jacket in an hour.
That's why Katie didn't wear a jacket.
Man says he's from Florida and likes the sun.
Katie likes the sun too.
Man asks where Katie's from.
Katie says Houston.
Man mistakes Katie as a student.
Katie corrects him and points out the fact she has a college degree.
Man makes a point to compliment Katie's sunglasses.
Katie smiles.
Man rambles more about the weather and girls wearing less clothes.

Katie takes this picture of homeless man while man #1 is talking:

Because every homeless man needs a Lightning McQueen stool to carry around with him.

Moral of the story: You only talk about the weather when there's nothing else to talk about...think about that the next time you're talking to a real friend and not a stranger...you'll realize how boring you are.

Lighrail Lessons in Love #2

Today on the lightrail, I was given love advice again that I did not ask for.

I took an earlier train to get a head start on work today....yeah, that doesn't sound like me at all, now does it?  I found a seat in the handicap designated area (there were no wheelchairs and nobody would sit down so why not take a seat??).  This woman had a baby in a stroller.  The child was adorable and kept staring at me (All my HDFS classes at UT said that babies stare at pretty faces...thanks for making my day, baby on the lightrail.), so naturally I did the smiling and waving back at the child.  This was a bad idea, as it started a conversation with the man next to me.

Dr.DrewWannabe: "You got any kids?"
Me: "Nonononononono"
Dr.DrewWannabe: "Was a matter, you don't want none?"
Me: "I'm too young..and I'm not married,"
Dr.DrewWannabe: "How old you?"
Me: "23..I mean 24"  (yeah..I still forget..)
Dr.DrewWannabe: "haha..You ain't too young..and you don't gotta be married to have kids!"
Me: "Uhhhhhhhhhh I beg to differ."
Dr.DrewWannabe: "Imma tell you sumthin.  You like kids?"
Me: "Well yeah.."
Dr.DrewWannnabe: "Then don't let anybody hold you back..you can have kids. Better to have 'em young so you can chase 'em round and stuff.  If you in love, that's all you need to make a baby.  Baby's are beautiful things and ain't nothin better than holding your baby in your arms."

I smile at the man and wish the woman with the stroller could get off the train so I could move.

Dr.DrewWannabe: "But you gotta be ready to have kids.  You gotta be in love. Don't listen to nobody sayin you gotta have the money for them. You just gotta have love fo yo man and fo yo child."

WOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWOWOOWOWWOWOWOWOW. I could get into a political rant right now, but I'll refrain and hope you all now know that people do, in fact, think this way. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.

Dr.DrewWannabe: "Is all about love."

I obviously stop talking to this man for a number of reasons:
1) He told me to have a child out of wedlock ON PURPOSE.
2) He thinks as long as your in love the world will fall into place.
3) HELLOOOOOO MCFLY.....KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE....
4) He had bad breath.

Moral of the story: So this is why MTV has a show called "16 and Pregnant"........

"Oh the weather outside is weather..."

Today on the lightrail, a man asked me if it was going to rain today.

Now, I suppose you could believe he didn't get a chance to watch the news, which is exactly what he told me, but it was raining as he said this.....................

All I could think was that scene in Mean Girls when Karen says: "There's a 30% chance it's already raining!"  I thought about reenacting that scene for him, but I figured it was NSFLR.

Moral of the story: I guess he doesn't have that fifth sense that helps him predict the weather like I do.




*another bonus quote game..name the movie for the title quote and you win a free prize. tweet/text/facebook/comment to win*

Somewhere over the rainbow...

Today on the lightrail, I experienced something I have never experienced before: strangers talking to one another. *gasp*

I don't know what somebody threw in the Houston water this morning, but people were abnormally friendly on the lightrail.  Randos talking to randos...homeless people chatting it up with Med students.  Metro workers talking to metro commuters.  It was like a scene in a movie about a perfect world.

You may not see this as a big deal but it is...especially when every day I take public transportation and usually am pushed/shoved/mocked/ridiculed (yeah I typically don't share most of those stories..).  Today I couldn't keep up with all the conversations going on, that and people were being genuinely nice.  For once, I was not the only person having a random conversation with a stranger. 

Good for you, Houston.

Moral of the story: Here's to you, Mr. Sunshine, you make public transportation a better place.


p.s. I drove to work yesterday because I woke up late..so no post. :/

'Cus it's root root root for the home team...

Today on the lightrail, I saw a man rooting for team Marijuana.

I began to wonder if Canada switched their logo to a weed leaf instead of a maple leaf.  That would be an interesting flag.  The man was wearing a hat that had weed leaves on the front and on the bill and on the back said "MARIJUANA".  At first maybe I thought that was his name, because when I was a kid we had our names stiched on our softball hats in the same position:

check out the sweet stache too...

I couldn't get a good picture of the front, as much as I tried.  The man REEEKKKEEEDDDDD, but probably because he was homeless.  How do I know this? Because he got off the rail at the same time as the annoying group of 4th year UT Houston med students...and I know he wasn't going to the same place as those kids (soup kitchen stop too). 

So while everybody else is waiting for the Astros opening day in less than a month, this man is waiting to legalize marijuana. So he can continue begging for your money on the streets to buy weed.  Let's here it for the home team!

Moral of the story: I still think the Ohio State Buckeye plant logo looks like a weed leaf.  Maybe this guy is just an Ohio State fan, in which case he sucks. 

All my friends know the low rider

Today on the lightrail, a man told me his whole life story.  Let us begin....

It started at the lightrail platform.  The man in the blue jacket told me good morning and told me to have a good day.  He was conversing with another man so I left them alone.  When the train arrived, I happened to find a seat across from the man in the blue jacket.

ChattyCathy: "Feels like we're in a low rider, huh?"
I don't understand why this man feels this way...I mean the train is WAY higher than the cars on the street..w.t.f.
Me: "hehehe"
ChattyCathy: "Man I feels like I'm back in Los Angeles. I use to have lots of friends out dat way. We be ridin around in the low riders. Those were the days, yaknowwhatimsayin? We had not a care in the world but ridin around in the low riders. They was so close to the ground and you know in LA that kinna messes up da car.  We jus rode around all day lookin all fly.  Man back then I use to think I was God's gift to women.  Those were the good days.  But then I grew up and now look at me.  I could afford to loose some pounds huh?
I giggle a bit.  There's a slight silence...I mean SLIGHT...as in like 2 seconds TOPS.
ChattyCathy: "You goin to work?"
Me: "yes sir"
ChattyCathy: "Where at?"
Me: "The med school.  I do research."
ChattyCathy: "Man I jus got back from a research project.  You know is a big company called Pioneer.  They do lots of arth-a-ritis research and what have you. Yeah day putchu up in a place for a week and they be runnin on these tests on me.  You know it's a trillion dollar company.  They be foreign though so they have all these drugs they don't have ready over here, yaknowwhatimsayin?  Is a good company. Is bigger than Ben Taub and all dos companies and they make good drugs. I had to go because I cracked my ankle in like a thousand pieces, yaknowhatimsayin.  So what happens is day give you dis medicine and it's really strong and it lets the pain go away but right when you take it, you hear noises in your head..and maaannn I don't like dem noises.  It goes on for about 5 minutes and it's just crazy.  But when the noises go away, ain't no mo pain.  You see, I hurt my ankle playin basketball.  I usually land on two feet after I jump but somehow I landed on jus 1 and my foot was all twisted around and I could hear all dem bones just break right den.  So I went to da hospital at Ben taub and man they hadn't seen anything like it.  They had to fly a doctor from UMT down in Galveston (sidenote, he meant UTMB...) in a helicopter but when he got there hes like "man you prolly aint gonna be able to walk again".  But I know God had a plan for me to get on with the rest of my life.  And by the grace of God I can walk and I'm here witchu today, yaknowwhatimsayin."
I just continue smiling and nodding my head.
ChattyCathy's phone rings.  He turns to the man from the platform who is now sitting behind me.
ChattyCathy: "Man, why she be callin me today? I ain't payin no mo for that kid."
He turns back to me to explain, obviously.
ChattyCathy: "This girl. She be wantin me to buy her alcohol all da time..."
Me: "It's not even 9 am?"
ChattyCathy: "I know..you see I don't drink.  And there's just somethings you women do that aren't right fo yo man.  It's her decision for her to drink but she gots a problem."
Phone rings again...
ChattyCathy: "hang on, Imma take dis."
He's on the phone for a few minutes...we're quickly approaching his stop...I just know he's getting off at the Hermann stop...
ChattyCathy: "Anyways..so I love the woman but MAN..she just needs to stop bugging me about stuff, yaknowwhatimsayin? Anyways..I gotsta get off now but you have a great day."
Me: "You too."

Moral of the story: It feels more like a monster truck when you're on the train, not a low rider.

Happy Texas Independence Day!

Today on the lightrail, it was crowded. I'm not quite sure why, but it was full of normals.

I was, however, sent this video and it reminded me of the ridiculous people on the light rail. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when Jennifer sent it to me.



Moral of the story: I hope you voted wisely today.

Lightrail Lessons in Love #1

Today on the lightrail, I realized I should write a book about all the love advice I receive from my fellow lightrail riders.

It's a rainy day in Houston, much different than the beautiful weather yesterday (of which I spent watching a Hockey game at a Canadian Pub, eh).  So naturally, I started my morning off a little on the grumpy side, until I stepped onto the rail.

LoveDoctor: "Say girl. Say! SAY!"
I have a confused look on my face until I realized he was talking to me.
Me: "Me?"
LoveDoctor: "Yeah you. Whatchu got yo ring on the right hand for? Wake up on da wrong side of the bed or somethin?"
I'm once again confused with what he's talking about.
Me: "Huh?"
LoveDoctor: "Yo ring..girl c'mon you knowwhati'mtalkinbout"
OOHHHH!!!!!
Me: "Oh no this is my college ring...see?"
I hold my hand out for him.
LoveDoctor: "Oh hahaha. You not engaged?"
Me: "No!"
LoveDoctor: "I was gunna say, girl who you tryin to trick.."
I laugh a little and feel a little awkward at the same time.
LoveDoctor: "You know, if he liked it, he woulda put a ring on it.."
Me: "Isn't that a song?"
LoveDoctor: "I'm jus messin witchu.  Girl lemme tell you sumthin. You's a catch and any guy should be lucky to have you."
Me: "You..don't even know me?"
LoveDoctor: "But I can jus tell. Sumthin boutchu. lemme give you some advice.  Don't be chasin dem boys..let dem chase after you, because da one that runs the fastest is the one you gunna marry."
I don't quite understand what he's trying to say at this point, to be honest with you.
LoveDoctor: "Jus be patient and you'll get a ring on your other finger someday. Imma tell you that much. It'll happen."
Me: "Huh?"
I don't think this man quite understands who I am......
LoveDoctor: "Just you wait."
I wish my phone wasn't dying since I didn't have my charger at my parent's last night so I could be texting right now....

I end the awkward conversation with the man once I decide to move to the other side by the other doors to let people out.

Moral of the story: I prefer my fortune to be told in the form of a piece of paper that falls out of a cookie.

Is it March, yet?

Today on the light rail, I met a leprechaun.

Ok maybe he was just a little person, but he had red hair and a beard like a leprechaun.

I didn't talk to him, mainly because I'm still sick (didn't go to work yesterday, hence no post) and my throat was hurting.  But I almost wanted to ask him if he'd grant me 3 wishes...

nvm that's a genie.

Moral of the story: I thought today would bring better luck after seeing this guy.


Public Service Announcement: IT'S RODEO SEASON!!! And I know all you people may be taking the light rail to the rodeo.  If you have any good stories or good pictures, feel free to email them to me and I'll include them in a weekend post.  Also, this site should be moving VERY soon to a different domain, I'll keep you posted.

Go girl it's your birthday..open wide..you know you're thirsty....

Today on the light rail, I ran into the big dude from yesterday AGAIN.  He sadly did not recognize me, but I definitely knew who he was.  Now today was even funnier than yesterday. 

Big Dude gets on the light rail with 2 of his friends (no skinny dude from yesterday, I think his wife probably wanted Jack in the crack again...).  One of them walks on with his soundtrack for life playing (that's what Archie used to call it when he walked around with his personal stereo playing daft punk).  The music being played is "OOOOOOhhh baby I be stuck to you like glue..."  In other words, the Bedrock song (which is a personal party fav). 

I start getting into the music, because it is my Birthday and I can do what I want.  The guy changes the song the Say Ahh. If you do not know this song, it's because you're probably too old, so here it is for you:



So of course I'm jammin with the guy sitting next to me.
Rando: "You like dis song?"
Me: "haha only because it's my birthday.."
Rando: "Oh shit! Go girl..it's your birthday..."

So this goes on for a little bit and the guy turns his music down because Big Dude's phone rings:
Big Dude: "Hello.....Who is dis?.......Girl how you get muh numba?......I GAVE IT TO YOU??...I musa been on some SERIOUS Crack when I did dat...You should prolly lose this..."

I can't hold in my laughter.  This other guy near me is laughing too.  Then the music man turns back on the Bedrock song.  I can tell this is Big Dude's favorite song when it gets to these lyrics.  They sing in unison:

"Ok I get it,  let me think, I guess it's my turn,  Maybe it's time to put this P-$$y on ya sideburns...He say I'm bad, He prolly right..he pressing me like button downs on a Friday night....I'm so pretty like, be on my pedal bike, Be on my low scrunch, Be on my Ecko Whites....He say Nicki don't stop you da bestest, And I just be coming off the top as bestest."

It was like a gospel choir singing. They were so into it.  All the people around were like "what the heck are they singing..." and only I knew.

Moral of the story: Happy Birthday to me.

ooOOOoooooo babbbyyyy girrrlllll

Today on the light rail, I felt like I was watching American Idol...you know, the crappy people that somehow make it onto the show just to make the ratings go higher so people can continue to make jokes about them for the next year...

This big dude gets on the rail with his skinny friend and sits in the row in front of me.  He has music blasting in his ear phones.  I wanted to start doing sign language with him because maybe he's hard of hearing.  I continued to think this when he started making noises to the music. 

You know the kind of noises R&B artists make?  The "OOOOHHHH" "ahhhhhhhooooogurrrllll".  That is what he started to do.  He sounded like a dying whale, much like this lady.  It continued on...
"MMMmmmmMMMMMM oooooOOooooooo baby...uyyyyeahhahdfhgheyweaweytfgadjghaeh"

^I don't know how to type his noises so that's why I just started banging on the keyboard there.^

Then he turned his music down when his skinny friend that looked about 18 said "Man, my wife is crazy, dawg."
This kid is married? He looks like he's 12!
Big Dude: "Why is that?"
Skinny Dude: "Man I be axin where we gun meet her and she goes Jack in the Box. Whadoilooklike a bank? She always be spendin my money."
Big Dude: "Man tell her to get her a$$ on the train."
Skinny Dude: "I know sshhhheeettt."

The big dude puts his head phones back in and continues his attempt at proving he should be the next Boys II Men.

Moral of the story: If you can't sing, please don't sing. Ever. Unless you're calling The Little Gym to sing "I have a beanbag, it's miss ladybug, I have a jumprope, sir centipede".

Tiger's competition...

Today on the light rail, I met the most BRILLIANT panhandler.  Genius, I tell you.  I'm telling you this is EPIC compared to other light rail stories (not to mention yesterdays EPIC FAIL because you dweebs won't post your comment).

I was sitting in a seat next to your typical smelly-wearing-all-the-clothes-he-owns-at-one-time street person, when he says to me:
"Excuse me, do you have a pen or a marker?"

I do have a pen in my purse, which is coincidentally a Student Goverment pen that says "EMPOWER" on it (reference my Facebook status on Tuesday, if you can).  But I notice the man has a piece of a cardboard box with him pressed between him and the window and realize the permanant marker I took from the lab the other day to label eppendorf tubes at home would be a viable alternative for him.

Me: "Will this Sharpie work?"
Genius: "Thank you!"

I start watching him as he writes on the cardboard box.  He starts with the words "HEY ELIN..." and I think to myself, man this is going to be good.  He has kind of sloppy handwriting so it's hard to see the rest, but I make out the words "PICK ME"...then I start texting and begin to ignore him until I see the final product.

On brown cardboard, the sign says:

HEY ELIN! PICK ME:

-NO $$$ FOR HOOKER

-CAN MAKE YOUR BEDROCK

I died laughing. This man knows how to make money, by using pop culture.

Me: "Wow that sign is brilliant!"

Genius: "Jus sumthin I came up wit. Hopefully it works."

Me: "Do you want this granola bar? I feel like I should give you something. You can keep the marker.."

Genius: "Thanks!"

I gave him my granola bar because although I did have cash, it was in the form of $20 bills and my mom would be mad if I gave this man a twenty for making me laugh.

There's a long pause where I notice he forgot the "S" at the end of "hookers".

Me: "You forgot the S.."

Genius: "No. Did it on purpose."

I'm confused, obviously.

Genius: "I have to get off now."

Me: "Good luck!"

I truly believe this man made the funniest sign I've ever seen...and the fact he knew today was Tiger's press conference was awesome.  Too bad he didn't talk much, I wanted some more laughs today.

Moral of the story: If you see this sign today in Houston, give him some money.

I love Basketball and I'm NOT afraid to admit it...

Today on the light rail, a man brought up a very interesting point that I'm in need of some audience feedback for...

This morning I hopped on the rail to the TMC with a dream in my Longhorn hoodie.
...alright I'll quit with the Miley reference....
So I'm wearing my UT jacket, and usually when I wear this I get a lot of comments, usually because everybody in Texas that is somebody is a Longhorn.  So this man, may or may not be homeless, says "Hook 'Em Horns!"
I smile.
FairWeatherFan: "Hook 'Em Baby. Das wut I'm tawkin bout. You watch the game las night?"
Me: "Unfortunately, no.  I actually missed both the Rockets and Horns play last night."
FairWeatherFan: "Yous a Rockets fan too??"
Me: "Umm we are in Houston."
FairWeatherFan: "Man I aint heard of many girls that actually watch em on TV though."
Me: "Well Hi, I like to watch sports on TV."
FairWeatherFan: "Whatchu watch on TV?"
Me: "I love basketball. I can't wait for March Madness. Not a big fan of the NFL, but I watch it.  College football I watch when I'm not at the game."
FairWeatherFan: "You watch it cus your man makes you?"
Me: "Ha..no..I just enjoy it. Me and my brother used to watch Rockets games together as a kid."
FairWeatherFan: "Mannnn.  I aint heard of no girl actually watchin sports without a man twisting her arm.  You's a pretty little thang too.  Pretty and into sports.  Whatchu doin ridin the light rail?"
Me: "I'm going to work in the med center."
FairWeatherFan: "Whatchu do down der?"
Me: "Research. I want to be a dentist."
FairWeatherFan: "Man and you is smart too! Sports and brains. man!"
Me: "Most of my girl friends like sports too..it's not that rare..."
FairWeatherFan: "Man I think you lyin to me. Aint no girl into sports. They supposed to be into fashion and all that."

I laugh...and feel kind of awkward.  We don't say much after this.  Sure, this wasn't a very 'funny' experience on the rail this morning, but it made me want to ask you peeps a question.  When I was a Junior at UT, I had a subscription to ESPN the magazine that I actually read.  It was the first thing any guy noticed when they came to the apartment and their first question was "Who's subscribed to this?!!?" with a little bit of excitement in their voice.

So my question to you today....And I need responses...this is an interactive blog today..I know there's at least 50 clicks on here a day...so I'm assuming at least 10 of you read this a day.

What are you thoughts on straight females having a love for sports or a specific sport?  Guys, does this make you more attracted to them?  Ladies, Do you tend to hide your love of sports for fear the guy will treat you as 'one of the guys'?

And I'm not talking girls that go to sporting events because "everybody does"..I'm talking like Victoria's love for Will Muschamp...or Erin's obsession with watching baseball on TV (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Gingivitis is not an STD

Today on the light rail, I met a man that probably should've taken my place at the dentist office this morning.

I left early this morning to go to the dentist for my 6th month cleaning (probably the best general dentist out there, Dr. Diana Smith, if you're looking for one).  I love going to the dentist, and it's probably because I have never had a cavity in my almost 24 years of existence.  I had to run across the street this morning to hop on the rail, so the doors nearly closed on me.  And this feller started talking to me.

Hick: "Wooo girl that der door just almost shut on you. You know ders a train comin erry 6 minutes I reckon."

I can't help but notice this man's disgusting teeth.  It looks like his mouth has been plastered in Dental textbooks...

It was actually worse than this..the teeth were not quite straight but I found this picture kind of interesting, although you guys are probably grossed out and X'ed your browser by now..

Me: "I'm just trying to make it to my dentist on time."

Hick: "Whatchu got happntoya today? Ya gunna git sum laffin gas an stuff? Ya got some DE Cay in yur mouth?"

No sir, but you DEFINATELY do.

Me: "No..just a 6 month cleaning."

Hick: "I hate goin to tha dentist. I can't even remember the last time I been. Waste of money. Just gargle some Scope and I'm good."

I want to vomit at this point.

Me: "I love going to the dentist!"

Hick: "Yur prolly tha only one I reckon.  Aint nobody like goin to the dentist. Theys got that loud drill and the gritty stuff they put all over your mouth."

Me: "I've never had a cavity in my life."

Hick: "Well I'll be. You must have some good genes to git away wit dat one."

I didn't want to get in an argument with this man and kind of wish the dental student who got on my stop at McGowen would've chimed in at some point.  I don't know the chick but she was wearing the dental branch scrubs..but she didn't look like she talked to strangers. What a funny coincidence.

The man got off some point before I had to so I thankfully didn't have to look as his rotten teeth anymore.

Moral of the story: Thank goodness I did not have a cavity this morning at the dentist.

I almost died....twice...

Today on the light rail, I almost died.

The funny thing is, I was going to share a different story from this morning but the ride home was better.

why?

Because the driver is a maniac and I almost died.

How?

I was standing in the middle, checkin out my favorite radio personality's twitter page...not holding on because I want to stay healthy.  And the train did one of those fast stops you're only supposed to do in a car where you slam on your breaks so hard the tires smoke.  I practically flew across the train, fell over and then realized I hit my head on a pole.

Now I have a bump on my head.

Moral of the story: Karma's a b*%ch.


UPDATE: Right as I finished writing this via my Palm Pre, I walked into my apartment only to see my roommate standing there doing laundry and I literally almost had a heart attack (she gets off work way later than me and is rarely home before 6).  So if somebody is doing some voodoo magic tricks on me to kill me, stop it.

Oh when the saints go marching in...

Today on the light rail, I was surrounded by Saints fans chanting "Who Dat" and other ridiculous sayings.

Now, I love sports.  The NFL is a touchy subject...I loved the Broncos for awhile because Selvin was playing.  Otherwise, I like watching the game, but don't care who wins.  With that being said, I can't tell you much of what happened during the Super Bowl because I was too busy eating Cane's chicken fingers and King Cake.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a Saints fan at heart...only because when I was 3 I was on a billboard and in a magazine with this guy:

true story...I have the magazine in my room..

So other than Morten Anderson and the sketch ball that stole the Heisman from VY, I don't know much about the Saints.

I got on the light rail this morning to a man getting off yelling "Saints country, baby! WHO DAT!?!"  And I thought to myself, "Oh No..."

Apparently when it's cold outside, people like to dress in their favorite team's gear.  So there were lots of people wearing Saints jackets and beanies.  And then you had this guy in his throwback Astros gear:

Road Cone (thanks Alex)

Either way, when I stepped onto the rail, there was more "Who Dat?!" chanting and even more people talking about the Saints.

Homeless man: "Man I live fer da Saints. It was like da bes day of my life las Sunday...."

Man wearing Saints Beanie: "It was a good day for us."

Homeless man: "One of dees days Imma get back over der. Ever since Katrina, I been stuck in Htown, yaknowwhatimsayinman"

Saint Beanie: "I hear ya."

Homeless man: "I jus needa find a way back der and it'll be all good all over again."

There was more conversing about the Saints and I began to wonder who cares...the Super Bowl was last Sunday and I was happy it's time to focus on Basketball.  It's almost March.

Moral of the story: If Texas would've won the National Championship, would everybody want to move back to Austin?

Coffee for Crack

Today on the light rail, a man offered me drugs for my coffee.
...........................Does anybody else see what's wrong with this picture?!?!?!?

It's a rainy morning in Houston today and I stepped on the light rail with every intention to sit down. Today, I was towards the middle of the train; you know the part that's right by the accordion-looking-thing. I sat down next to a man and immediately looked for another place to sit because he smelt like oil, grease, smoke, and like he hadn't showered for months. To my dismay, there were no open seats elsewhere and it would've been obvious if I just stood up 2 feet from the man.

So I stayed put.

StinkyCheeseMan: "What time is it? Is the cafeteria serving breakfast?"
Me: "uhh I dunno...it's 8:45.."
The man starts laughing. It's a weird giggle laugh....

We stop talking for a bit then he starts asking me about my coffee but I can't understand him...

StinkyCheeseMan: "jskghkjhkjghkjrhtwy coffee?" More laughing
Me: "I'm sorry, what?"
StinkyCheeseMan: "ajkghjerhtjherjkthlqhldfjvndfjlblnrthgurtguieiu coffee?" Laughing again....

I sit silent for a bit as he continues to laugh....

Me: "I'm sorry but I just can't understand what you're saying.."
StinkyCheeseMan swallows before he talks this time, "I'll give you some snow cake if I can have your coffee. You make it yourself? It smells good.."

I don't know anything about drugs. I am completely naive in all areas of my life unfortunately, but I do know that if a homeless man offers me "snow cake", he's not talking about a cake in the shape of a snowman.

Me: "uhhhh yes I made it."
StinkyCheeseMan starts giggling again. A lot.

I'm confused at this point...does he really want my coffee that bad? If it wasn't in the only to-go cup I own, I would've given it to him...but I wouldn't have taken his drugs. (or maybe I should've just so I could have a picture for the blog...but then I'd be like Khloe Kardashian in that episode where she found cocaine at her store...)

StinkyCheeseMan: "You eat breakfast at the hospital? I eat like 6 buffets and I pay a dollar and a quarter for it."
Me: "No I eat at home."

StinkyCheeseMan continues rambling on about food with his giggles here and there. What in the world kind of drug is this man on? He won't stop laughing and I begin to wonder why I'm not understanding the joke.

Eventually he gets off the rail at the soup kitchen stop with a few more comments here and there asking me about food. I almost gave him my granola bar but I was so confused by this situation that I couldn't figure out where the granola bar was in my purse.


Moral of the story: If you're lookin for crack, bargain with coffee.

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

Today on the light rail, I was told I was going to hell.

I hate cold weather.  Hate it.  Maybe I'd like it better if I actually owned cold weather clothes, but I feel like wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, a fleece, and a coat is just fine for 35 degree weather.  Apparently that was no match for the wind this morning, so naturally I couldn't WAIT to sit down on the light rail away from the doors to prevent myself from feeling the draft at each stop.

Yesssss there's a row all to myself.

After a few stops, a man sat down next to me.  My new Palm came in the mail yesterday, so I didn't feel obligated to talk to this man since I could catch up on tweets about people's love obsession with Amanda Bynes.  But don't think I got away without hearing from this man...

Prophet: "Excuse me ma'am.  I hate to be a bother but I see you have nail polish on your fingers.."
I am so confused...of course I got a french manicure before my interview the other day...why does he care?"
Me: "Yes sir, I got a manicure the other day..."
Prophet: "That's the devil's work right der"
Me: "huh?"
Prophet: "Jesus wants you to be just the way you are, all naturAL" (emphasis on the AL)
Me: "ok."
Prophet: "Do you believe in Jesus Christ our Savior?"
Me: "Yes, of course I do. But I also believe it's OK to want to feel pretty by being a bit superficial."
Prophet: "No. It's not ok.  It's people like you that are corrupting our children.  You need to come to my church because you is not completely saved!!!"
Me: "I'm Catholic."
Prophet: "Catholics aren't saved.  You're going to Hell."

I'm done arguing with this man at this point.  First he disses my nails, then he attacks my desire to look good and now he's telling me that all Catholics are going to hell.  This is more intense than the debate I had with CK about Catholicism.

Prophet: "You need a man like me in your life to show you the way. blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah"

I stopped caring and luckily he got off at the stop that heads to the soup kitchen.  Seriously...I need a MAN to show me the way?  Was that whole conversation a pick-up line?  Boys...don't ever use that one.

Moral of the story: Is the Pope going to hell too??????? 


*title of post=book by Tucker Max. It's an awful awful book, but has some funny parts.*

"I wish I were big."

Today on the light rail, I was called a baby, a term I have heard more often than not lately.

I couldn't do my morning tweeting or texting because I lost my phone on Friday night (stupid dancefloor and/or bathroom at ei8ht).  I have my old phone, but the keyboard is broken so I have to text the old school way and it takes too long.  So this morning on the light rail, I had no choice but to stand there and do nothing.  And that is what I did.....until homeboy started talking to me.

Homeboy: "You headin to school?"
Me: "No..work..."
Homeboy: "Say what? where you work..you don't go to HCC..I thought I seen you get off at that stop..."
Me: "No sir, I work in the med center."
Homeboy: "Say lil mama how old you be?"
Me: "23...."
Homeboy: "Man you's young!"
Me: "But I'll be 24 in 15 days!"
Homeboy: "You is a baby, girl! I actually thought you was like 19 or so...but still...23...man...I'm old."
Me: ".....how old are you?"
Homeboy: "29 going on 29."
clearly this wasn't his real age...I'm guessing early 30s...
Me: "Oh"
Homeboy: "You work in the med center and you only 23? Damn you mus be smart...you go to college?"
Me: "I graduated from UT in 2008."
Homeboy: "Damn girl. I'd holla atchu but you too smart for me. You prolly all philisophical on me an stuff.  And you's a baby."

I smiled.

This is probably the 5th time in one week that I've been called a "baby".  Evidently when you hang out with ladies and gents pushing 30, you're considered a baby at the age of 23. 

It makes me want to find a machine to wish on so I can turn into Tom Hanks.

Moral of the story: But I'm almost 24........... 

Friday's delayed and tomorrow will be nada..

Friday on the light rail, I met a really nice man.  Well, it was technically when I was exiting the light rail.

Man: "Where's your coat??? You're too pretty to be cold!"

I don't typically wear a coat in 50 degree weather, I stick with my fleece jacket, but people in Houston are sissies and always wear coats.

Me: "I'm not that cold."

Notice I deflected his compliment because I didn't care to talk to him...

Man: "well I have to get over to the VA hospital but I lost my Qcard so Imma hafta walk the whole way."

Mind you, this man got off the train at Dryden/TMC....The VA hospital is FARRRRRRRRR from there.  I knew what he was about to ask so I just answered the question.

Me: "Well if I had a few dollars, I'd give it to you but I'm sorry sir, I don't have any cash on me."

Man: "Awww that's ok.  You's a good person.  Have a Blessed day."

I'm a sucker for nice people and my issue is if I actually did have cash on me, I'd probably hand it to him.  One time in Austin, this homeless guy (probably early 20s) was begging on the drag.  I told him I didn't have any cash but I'd be more than happy to buy him a slice of pizza.  He agreed at first but when I went into Austin's Pizza he said, "I'm the one that's supposed to be buying you dinner, I can't accept this."  And ran off.

Moral of the story: If you're nice to me, I'll be nice in return.  If you're rude, then I might push you in front of the light rail.

Now, I won't be riding the light rail tomorrow (Monday February 8th) because I have free parking in the med center and I don't want to ride the light rail wearing a suit.  I hope this helps you get through your Monday.  Tuesday...it's on.

Where's that "virtual fence" when you need it...

Today on the light rail, I saw an illegal immigrant.

If you're not from Texas, than you're obviously from an inferior state but that's beside the point.  If you're from one of those Yankee states, there's something you should know about Texas.  "In the annals of history people [in Texas] will remember 3 things...."*

1. George Bush
2. Crappy Border Patrol
3. The Rockets with Hakeem Olajuwon

Now, I'm not saying EVERY Texan is a Bush fan...and I'm not saying EVERY person wants a tighter border (some people have family on the other side, duh)...but I AM saying Texas cops are nuts.

I'm sitting on the rail and a metro police guy gets on. He was a pretty good looking guy...just sayin'.  He starts taking people's Q cards to check them.  Luckily mine works just fine.  The man across the aisle from me was a different story.

KindergartenCop: "Where's your ticket?"
illegal shakes his head..
KindergartenCop: "Do you speak English?"
illegal nods
KindergartenCop: "You do? Then answer me. You can't ride the rail without paying for it.  What, you think you can ride free? Nobody rides free. Everybody else bought their ticket..where's yours?"
illegal seems to be half asleep or on drugs
KindergartenCop: "I need to see some ID. Right there. There's your wallet."
illegal hands him a paper
KindergartenCop: "I need a Texas ID. You don't have one???  You even live here?
illegal mumbles something
KindergartenCop: "Oh we have more issues than you not paying.  Get off at this stop with me.  You don't belong here."

The policeman walked and then yelled at the man to get off the rail.

Moral of the story: Pay your taxes.


Ref.: Virtual fence
*Semi Pro

"These guys are about as much fun as a tax audit..."

Today on the light rail, I met a retired Navy SEAL. 

Bonus points if you know which movie the above quote is from. Text me or comment to win your prize.

I never thought I'd be standing next to a Navy SEAL...never in my life.  He was obviously VERY retired and experienced some crazy shit from his days in the Navy.  Why do I know that?  Because he had this cushiony head protector on.  And how did I know he was a Navy SEAL? Because there was a patch on the back of his helmet.

Navy SEAL: "When I was your age, we didn't have those cell phones or iPods."
Me: "Yeah but you had the radio and girls had to wear dresses!"
Navy SEAL: "Those ladies sure were perdy. When I was your age I was fighting in a war.."
Me: "Oh yeah? Well I know I appreciate your service."
Navy SEAL: "Yeah you young people don't know how good you have it..watching your friends die..you couldn't keep people close to you back then because they'd just die..."
I smile and nod...and go back to texting Alex...
uhhhh this man is more depressing than the emails my mom sends me....
Navy SEAL: "That war goin on is nothin like when I was your age...it was much scarier and all these babies whining about being overseas need to suck it up.  I was a SEAL..do you know what that is?"
Me: "Yes sir."
Navy SEAL: "I used to be the guy you didn't mess with.  But now I'm too old, so I'm not scary am I?"
I just chuckle..

At this point some other man is speaking to him...I try to listen but just hear the words "iPod" and "cell phones" like a thousand times.  I think he's repeating our conversation with somebody else.

Moral of the story: When you were my age, you probably didn't blog about people that said 'when I was your age'.

BTW, I DO have a picture of this guy but something is holding me back from posting it......I may edit later...



Happy Happy Birthday to a loyal reader and friend, Andrea!! May today and your next year be full of laughter!!!!

This witch be crazy.

Today on the light rail, I met the wicked witch of the west:

I do not own this picture.

The train was PACKED today and it seemed like there were more people in wheelchairs than every before.  This woman was squeezing through the train trying to find a seat, I guess (and we wonder why Houston is the fattest city in America).  She was quite ugly but her Juicy jumpsuit gave off the "I'm-better-than-you-and-I-don't-care-what-you-think-because-I'm-a-diva-and-I'll-cut-you-and-your-little-dog-too" vibe.  I was standing next to one of the center poles, trying not to fall on top of the man in the wheelchair.  This witch (pun intended) comes from behind me.....

Witch: "Girl I know you know how to move when somebody be tryin' to get by."

I don't say anything as she slides past me with her giant fake Fendi purse.

Witch (to man by me): "I said ESSSCUUUSSEEEEE ME!"

Now, I only type exactly how I hear things so don't blame the writer on this one...

At this point, the lady is literally stepping over the man in the wheelchair.  I mean, if I was going to crawl over a man who can't help but stay stationary, I would at least give him a courtesy lap dance.  Where were her manners on this one?

She finally got to the only seat open on the rail and let out a giant "UUGHHHH".

Moral of the story: I learned my manners from Sesame Street, not a Cracker Jack box.


By the way, my phone battery was not charged last night, hence the reason I don't have an actual picture of this woman..because believe me, I would've taken it to post her face all over the internet for being so rude.

What Not To Wear

Today on the light rail, I was given fashion advice from this guy:

Now, I'm not quite sure if maybe he's secretly the fashion police, but his old school dirty Jordans I guess made his whole ensemble much better than mine.  I should probably preface this conversation with this man by telling you a story about my favorite pair of jeans (even though they're only Fossil brand) that I am wearing today. 

These jeans are pretty thin in terms of material to begin with, so that doesn't help when they're being washed often since I wear them a lot.  But if you don't know, I work in a lab.  I work with acid a lot (no, not THAT kind of acid..I'm talking like Sulfuric acid).  Although I wear gloves, I tend to only wear my lab coat when I'm cold or working with cells.  Hence, I spill acid on my clothes and therefore create my own version of acid-washed jeans.  I figure since it's cool to buy clothes with holes in them, it's OK for me to wear these jeans....but they're actually getting pretty bad.....

yes, I am wearing these today.

But I don't really care...might as well continue ruining the same pair of jeans instead of new clothes, right?  Well not what this guy thought.

Fashion Police: "Damn girl whatchu do to dem jeans?"

Me (slightly embarassed): "I dunno"         (I didn't have coffee again this morning, just so you know)
Fashion Police: "You prolly shouldn't be wearin stuff like dat to work..give people some bad ideas"
Me: "huh?"
Fashion Police: "I ono you gots on a pretty nice Northface rain jacket, pretty sure you can afford a whole pair of jeans and not pieces."
Me: "I spilt acid on them at work."
Fashion Police: "ouch...well it's time for some new clothes. Those jeans just aint doin it anymore."

Thanks man wearing Jordans and a sweatshirt that looks like a spanish pancho.

Just so you know, that lower hole..the one closer to my knee...has gotten bigger as the day has gone on.

Moral of the story: If I ever need fashion advice, I'm asking the man wearing this throwback Brookyln Dodgers Jacket...

...not the man wearing Jordans.



Sorry I didn't have a post on Friday...my day was crazy at work...and today hasn't been much better.  Have no fear, now you see I've been learning how to take pictures without people knowing.  Hope you all had an equally awesome weekend as I did...my intention was to actually take the rail to House of Blues on Friday night and write a hopefully wicked post Saturday.  But apparently the LR comes every 20 minutes at that time of night. And it was cold.

I learned to share from Ms. Lacey

Today on the light rail, I fed the hungry.

I also learned something about myself.  Not only do I talk to complete strangers on a daily basis, but I'm way too approachable.

I've always been the person who will talk to a complete stranger in certain situations.  Usually the conversation is started by showing a person a picture of my alter ego.  Lately, the conversation starts with "I blog about public transportation, wanna see?"  This is much better than Curtis' co-worker who uses the line "I have herpes, what do you have?" to pick up girls (true story).  Or last night on the walk home from the grocery store a street man says "SAY! SAY! BABY GIRL! HOOK 'EM!" because I was wearing my favorite zip up hoodie (thanks, Alex.).

But the easiest way to make a new friend is through food.  And unfortunately today, I looked very approachable and had brownies on hand.  I told my boss I'd make his snack for journal club today, so I made 2 batches of brownies last night.  I left the light rail with only 1 batch in hand, it seemed.

I was not wearing sunglasses this morning, so I guess that's a clear indication it's OK to talk to me.

Hungry Man: "Those brownies sure look good. How much you sellin them for?"
Me: "Oh they're not for sale.  They're for my boss."

long pause

Hungry man to hungry man's friend: "Look at her, hoggin all those brownies when we ain't eaten since last night and they delicious."
Yep...that hit a nerve....
Me: "Would you like one?  I can spare a few..I made extras..."
Hungry Man & Friend: "YAH!"

Like savage beasts, they each grab a brownie.  Hungry Man thought it was perfectly acceptable to tell his friends.

----side note for John G-IdontrememberhowtospellyourlastnameIjustknowthereisaZinit: One of the men was wearing this hat AND I knew the Bruins are a hockey team.....any consolation??---

So the Hungry Man, his friend, Bruins guy, and a lady eat half of the brownies for Journal Club this morning before I even get to work.  Great.

Moral of the story: If you give a hungry man a brownie, he'll want to invite his friends over and they will eat the whole batch.

The confessional is closed

Today on the light rail, a homeless man wanted to "holler" at me.

Yes, again.  Those who follow me on twitter or are my Facebook friend may have seen something similar awhile back.  But this was a little bit more humorous.

The morning started off on the wrong foot because I woke up at 8:25 am.  I usually leave my apartment to head to the light rail by 8:35 so you know the predicament I was in.  Nonetheless, I headed to the light rail right before 9 and figured it would be a slow day on the train since I would be on the later one.

It was slow.  But there was no stopping homeboy...we'll call him "Blu"  without the E.  This man had to be my Dad's age, if not older.  He had a beard "as white as snow".  I sat down in an empty seat while he was sprawled out across the row across the aisle...probably passed out from drinking straight whiskey or whatever it is homeless people waste their money on.

Well, I THOUGHT he was passed out....you know how drunk people sometimes look like their sleeping, but they're really just drunk?

My phone is in my hand as usual.  I'm laughing at this tweet, when Blu asks, "You got sum kinna handheld computer over there?  Thas what dem phones lukin like these here days."

I nod because I get creeped out by old street people...that and I didn't have coffee this morning.

Blu, "Can I has yours phone number?"
Me, "Uhhhh no."
Blu, "I don't want to see ya..I jus wanna have some 1 to talk to."

I'm a bear in the mornings when I don't have coffee.  In fact, I'm really rude and hate the world in the mornings.

Me: "Go talk to a priest."
Blu: "welll I'll be..you're a rude one..I jus wanted your phone number."

I seriously should've closed out the conversation with what I've been waiting to tell a homeless person asking for my number: "Will you be calling me on your stolen hamburger of the not phone type?"

But instead, I moved to avoid this man and anybody else that felt like talking to me today.

Moral of the story: At least the homeless man didn't poop on me.

And to think I almost drove to work...

Today on the way to the light rail, a bird crapped on my shoulder.

I almost don't want to tell you the rest of the story because I can't seem to think any other way it would be a more ridiculous start to the morning. Supposedly a bird pooping on your shoulder is "good luck". I'll let you know how that pans out today...and yes, Adam, this is the 2nd time in a year this has happened to me.

Today ON the light rail, it was a hodge-podge of ridiculousness to add to the bird taking a load off on me. It was really crowded, so getting on the rail to even find a spot to stand was difficult, so it was no surprise when a lady's shirt became stuck in the door as she squeezed on the train.

Dying Whale: "I'M STUCKKK!!!!!!!!! I'M STUCK!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! MY SHIRRRRTTTT!!!!!!!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Obviously, the driver cannot hear the woman. Nor does he care. So I just continue laughing as the woman screams until the doors open at the next stop.

The next event occurring on the light rail is why I sometimes wish this train was more like a NY subway. Cell phones- they don't work underground. It's ok to text/tweet on the rail…but for the love of all things holy, please don't talk on your cell phone...especially if you're old and loud and are hard of hearing.

Woman: "HELLO?!?!"
(pause)
Woman: "THIS IS SHE, ME.............YEEAHHHH GIRL HOW'S IT GOIN??.......NAW I'M JUST ON THE RAIL....I GOT A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT...........YEAH.......OH NO IT'S JUST FOR MY ALLERGIES......YEAH I'M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOW...............OH I KNOW.....DID YOU HEAR ABOUT PASTOR  ......OOOOOOOO GIRL LET ME TELL YOU.....MMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.......MMMMMHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....."

This goes on for about 2 minutes of the woman nodding. I would've been OK with her cell phone talking if a) she wasn't so loud and b) she wasn't putting make up on while on the phone while sitting next to me, therefore spilling her make-up on my pants.

Woman: "AIGHT GIRL LEMME CALL YOU BACK CUS IMMABOUT TO BE AT THE DOCTOR. ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT..MMMmBYE"

I could've done without hearing about the woman's pastor who is cheating on his wife this morning.

Moral of the story: A bird pooping on your shoulder = you should've forked over the $10 to pay for parking today.

Doodoo doo doo doo Inspector Gadget

Today on the light rail, I met inspector gadget.

Timeout...I google imaged "inspector gadget" and this came up:

What the heck? If you're a giants fan, I'm punching you in the face.

Moving right along...this man had a trenchcoat on.  And he had the same long face as inspector gadget.  The cartoon, not the one starring Matthew Broderick.  First of all, I didn't know people still wore trenchcoats.  It seems like a very "flasher" thing to do.  I may think that because my grandma used to have this light switch cover in her bathroom that typically freaked me out.  It was a "flasher" in a trenchcoat and the light switch was...well, use your imagination.

Either way, this trenchcoat made my new friend look a bit mysterious.  The best part was he had the awesome hat on too.  I was hoping he'd pop out with springy legs to go save the world.  Or maybe, just maybe, he had a watch that played his own theme song. 

I didn't talk to him...mainly because I can't find my voice.  I lost it sometime in the middle of the night.  So I sat there with my new sunglasses on staring at him, because I could.  Oh and btw, I reunited with my tranny friends from last week on the rail.  Today they were wearing clothes from Hollister. 

Moral of the story: Don't wear trenchcoats unless you are inspector gadget...or I guess if you're hot like the Manning brothers. (sorry Jets fans)

Just call me Cupid...

Today on the light rail, I helped somebody.  I am a good person.  That and it just means I should believe my horoscope since it told me today I would help somebody, but I should watch to satisfy my own needs.

Check it. Here's how it went down.  As usual, I'm texty mctextface in the morning on my phone..maybe not texting but tweeting.  It was quiet today...I mean REALLY quiet.  Half of the people sitting were asleep.  I contemplated falling asleep until a young man sitting across the aisle said "Excuse me..."
I looked up....
Sad sap: "Can I ask you a question?"
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that question, I'd afford parking and not have to take the rail.....
Me: "Sure..."
Sad sap: "Well you seem like a pretty respectable girl and I need some advice"
Soo wearing a UT shirt makes you respectable, obviously.
Me: "ok...not sure how much help I'll be..."
Sad sap: "You see there's this girl and I'm pretty sure she wants me but I aint one of dos dudes that just in it for the booty, ya get me?  How do I show the girl I'm suave and a gentleman?"
I'm probably the LAST person on earth you ask Love advice from.....
Me: "Well...you could always bring her flowers...or do what you normally do to girls..."
Sad sap: "I dunno..she's a trip and may not like the flowers and this one is fiesty."
What does this guy want me to say??? I don't know how to pick up people..I'll talk to anybody, obvi.
Me: "ummmmm..maybe if you just take her on a date and act like a real gentlemen she'll see who you are..."
I mean, that would work for me...but I also don't like assholes like this chick seeems to..
Sad sap: "I guess I could try that. You're right...I think that'll work.  I'll take her to dinner instead of the club!"
Did he REALLY just say that with that much enthusiasm????
Me: "Good luck."
Sad sap: "Yeah I usually go to the club with girls but maybe I could try something new like a dinner date! I'll take her somewhere nice like Olive Garden or somethin..."
I have a blank stare on my face at this point.
Me: "I'm sure it'll work out fine..goodbye."

I get off the rail in complete confusion.  Do people really think going to the club is a date?  what.the.heck.

Moral of the Story:
Whereas The urbandictionary.com definition of "Date": Two people getting together for an activity when the possibility of romance between them has been broached but not ruled out. Since the exploration of romance is the purpose of a date, merely asking someone out on a date is sufficient to broach the subject. Dates may or not continue once a couple have entered into a romantic relationship; and

Whereas The word "date" may be used to identify a get together between two people not romantically involved, but this usage is meant to convey irony, since such a meeting is not a date in the true sense of the word; and

Whereas It's perfectly acceptable for a girl to ask a boy out on a date; and

Whereas Dating advice comes best from Dr. Loving and not K So.

Therefore Be it Resolved You cannot take a girl just to a club on a date.


 

Trust me, I'm a psychic

Today on the light rail, I had my palm read.

This is my palm as it looked this morning on the light rail (just in case you happen to be a palm reader yourself):

My left hand

I asked the man reading my palm (after the fact) if I could take a picture of him for a human interest piece I was doing for a class.  He said he "can't have his face all out in public or his baby mama will kill him".  So this is the closest picture I could find:

"That's Charles Barkley" (Spacejam, anyone?)

So here's how it went down:

CB look alike sits down next to me. I'm frantically playing with my ring...yes those of you who know me know this nervous habit of mine..I take it off, then put it back on..sometimes switching from finger to finger.

CB: "I can read yo palm to make you less nervous."

I smile but just turn my attention out the window.  I had a physics teacher one time that read my palm and told me I was going to make a good dentist some day...that hasn't come true yet.

CB: "Here let me see your hand.." He grabs for my hand.  I reluctantly give him my left palm because I remember there are 1000000000 hand sanitizer stations at Methodist so I'll be OK.

CB: "Oooh girl this is your love palm"

Me: "excuse me?"

CB: "this right here is your love line..it be showin me you's in love wit somebody..who dat be?"

Me: "You're the psychic..you tell me..."

CB: "Well I see him as a tall, handsome white dude with alotta money.'

wrong.

Me: "Go on..."

CB: "I get this vibe that commitment scares you and you's one of those girls who wants to be independent."

Hmmm..I'll give him half credit..

CB: "Your hands be soft that mean you a sweet girl.  Ooohh this line shows you're into black dudes."

What is going on........

CB: "This right here shows you're interested in strangers. Hey, I'm a stranger"

Jeez...why am I in the inside seat?  I want out...

CB: "What's your boyfriend's name?"

I ignore the man because now I feel uncomfortable.

CB: "Oh I see how it be..you don't talk to me now that I know too much bout you...I get ya...but if you don't talk to me, I won't tell you this most important part..."

This man is trying to trick me into talking to him...but I am curious...even though he's full of it.

Me: "Sorry, I'm just tired."

CB: "She speaks! Well I'll let you in on da secret to your life.  You gonna be real successful and don't need no man to do it.  But you is gonna get married and make beautiful children of God.  I seen it all on your palm. Now give me your right hand."

Me: "I'm fine.."

CB: "Well this is my stop anyways..why don't you gimme your card and I'll give you a free reading of your right palm too."

Me: "Sorry I don't have business cards."

I lied...I do have the 7 Course Date cards Brian mailed me..but I keep these to myself until Brian tells me otherwise.

CB: "Well then why not just your number."

Me: changing the subject "Can I take a picture of you for a human interest piece I'm writing for class?"

CB: "Hell naw...I can't have this face all out in public or my baby mama will kill me..."

At this point, I'm able to ignore him because of the people coming in and out of the train..I turn to stare out the window.  I'm not sure exactly what he said as he left the rail, but he was mumbling something about me, I'm sure.

Good thing he didn't charge me for that awful read.

Moral of the story: Don't let strangers read your palm unless you have hand sanitizer on you.

n00bs

Today on the light rail, we had a first-timer.

Pause.  The people that typically ride the light rail can be broken into a number of groups, much like a high school cafeteria.  You have your street people, who all exit at Herman Hospital.  Then there are the students, some HCC, some Rice, but mostly dental and med students.  They spend most of their time with their noses in books or reading flashcards...that last 10 minutes of studying will make them good doctors, believe me.  Of course you have your medical professionals, typically more nurses and techs than doctors since doctors can afford the ridiculous parking in the med center.  Believe me, I wish there were more doctors on the light rail..nothin like starting your morning off with some good eye candy....except not all doctors can look this good.  Then you have other random med center employees, the ones that you can't tell what they do but you know which stop they exit the rail.  Of course you also have the sick people (I use this as a general term for any of the med center patients..it's more fun that way) who ride the light rail every now and then but typically know where they are headed.  And then the Reliant employees.  They're not very interesting. 
And then there's me.  I'm in a category of my own because although the light rail takes me to and from work, I choose to ride it for amusement.  Go.

And then you have the n00bs.  For those of you (ie. my mother) who don't know gamer terminology, a n00b is exactly how it sounds...somebody that doesn't know what the heck they are doing.  These are the signs of a first-timer:

• Carry lots of stuff onto the light rail but appear to have taken a shower (so you know it's not a homeless person transporting baggage)
• Keep their millions of bags and accessories close to them when they sit down (because they're afraid of the people on the rail..it IS public transportation)
• Have a map in their hand with their destination circled....the light rail goes down one street with consecutive stops and it's not even underground...WHY do you need a map?
• Constantly looking around outside the windows and are in awe when the doors open on both sides of the rail, depending on the stop.
• Sit as far away from the person next to them...either pressed up against the window or their butt cheeks are hanging off the seat in the aisle...in case dracula decides to bite them, I guess.
• If they're standing, they hold on to the poles with bare hands.  EVERYBODY knows you're supposed to stick your hand in your sleeve and then hold the pole so you don't contract an STD or something.

Moving along, today this woman fit the bill, except she actually asked me a question.
Lost lady: "When is the Dryden-TMC stop?"
Man next to me: "About 2 exits"
......exits? really, guy?
Me: "It's the third stop from this one."
I was afraid the man had confused the poor lady.  She was already wearing her glasses at the end of her nose and had bright red lipstick on her teeth, the last thing I wanted to do was confuse her even more.
Man next to me: "ha why'd I say exits..I donknowwhaI'mtalkinbout"
Lost lady: "oh ok thanks I don't understand this map..will they announce the stop?"
uhh they've announced every stop so far, so yes.  I politely nod.
She started rambling on to the man next to me telling me about her adventures trying to make it to the med center.  I stopped listening because it was obvious she was nervous that she was riding public transportation and trying to find a way to calm herself.

Moral of the story: Houston may be the fattest city in America, but at least our fat people help the lost people unlike NYC.


Happy Birthday to one of my loyal readers, Emily. May today bring you tons of laughter!